Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
