my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
