If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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