I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
