you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
