i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
