pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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