I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
