yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
