last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize