is your mom at the bar?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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