I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
