Can Purell be used as lube?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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