if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
how does that bad decision feel?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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