dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize