areolas are like halos for boobs.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
