she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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