So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
