New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
