just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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