I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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