I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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