So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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