Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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