I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
