i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
