In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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