Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
