she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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