Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
