you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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