I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
