youre lurking in front of me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
