OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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