I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
