its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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