I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
