he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
