I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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