During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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