Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
