Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize