Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
