I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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