saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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