Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
