watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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