She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
