Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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