Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dignity is for republicans.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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