Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
