Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
