THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
