Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You're like the curious george of whores
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
