The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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