Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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