i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
