does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
