I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
