I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
