I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
