I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Send help, water and tortillas.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
