Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
