I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
