he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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