K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
