I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
