I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize