we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize