Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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