Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
