That's when you crack a 10am beer
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
