I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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