He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
