im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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