Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
