That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
